I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
