If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
