How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
