My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
