So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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