I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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