Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
