Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
