Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
