I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
