Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
