He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
