so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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