I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
