That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
