you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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