she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
