pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
