We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
