Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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