fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
