My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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