we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
