She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
