I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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