nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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