i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
