I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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