The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
