I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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