Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
