we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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