My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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