dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
