Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
