And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
