Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
