can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
