I swear she didn't look like that last week.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
