Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
