I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
