apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
