Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
