I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
