White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
