she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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