C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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