You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
did you just send me my own nude
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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