Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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