Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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