Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
