The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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